On February 21, 1989 I arrived on Parris Island, SC.  It was the wee hours of the morning.  As it was winter, you could see steam rising off exposed pipes.  I remember the bus driving past a set of buildings and seeing a person walking in a poncho and carrying a rifle.  My initial thought? I don't think I want to do that.  I remember arriving at the receiving center and from there, things are a haze.  At one point, all the women were in a room seated at desk with their heads down.  I had arrived with two other females and we were the only ones there.  We were told not to raise our heads.  I think I dozed off, not really sure but I remember hearing others come in.  At some point we were told to get up and get in a line at the door.  We were lead outside to another bus and taken to our squad bay.  Thus began my journey in which I would earn the title of U. S. Marine.

Thirteen weeks of hurry up and wait. i screamed "Aye Ma'am" so much, I may have done it in my sleep a time or two.  I remember being sent to the gear locker as we were packing to go to the rifle range because I got caught laughing at the DI.  I can remember watching a fellow recruit being dug on the quarterdeck because she left her footlocker unsecure.  I remember showers with three chicks in a shower stall.  One washed.  One rinsed and for our light green Marines, one washed her hair.  If a recruit used the toilet during showers, you didn't flush.  If you did flush, you were supposed to yell "FLUSH" to keep your platoon mates from being scalded.  Everyone's underwear, skivvy shirts and PT gear went into a pile.  There's a ditty we had to recite after showers.  We reported to the DI on duty and the scribe.  We held our money valuable bag dressed in our bra, panties and shower shoes, turning in a circle lifting both feet  and recited "Pvt Brooks has no ailments to report and does not need to got to sick call. all personals are present and accounted for."  This was so the DI could inspect our bodies for bruises or anything that might affect our training.  We were given an hour of free time each night.  Some of us wrote letters, some socialized.  Others cleaned their weapon or ironed their cammies.  At lights out and when they came on in the morning, we had to stand on line and count off.  Your number count matched your laundry number.  We learned to move when told and respond when spoken to by the DI.  We practiced drill on the parade deck and in the squad bay.

My DIs were a mixed bag.  My Senior was a really thin chain smoker who loved Doritos.  One of the other three was a blonde spitfire who called some of the most beautiful cadence.  One of the others was fresh out of DI School and took her maybe 10 weeks to stop looking scared.  She was also the nicest one and had the most shrill voice.  Then there was the five foot nothing pit bull.  She came to us halfway through and we all collectively hated her.  She replaced a previous pit bull who we had liked a little better. They nurtured, guided, harassed and mentored Platoon 4012 because they wanted us to be Marines.  Trust me, they got rid of the ones who just couldn't hack it.  Fortunately I was one they didn't try to cull although I was the resident run/hump drop.  On graduation day as I was sitting on the bus waiting to leave, my Senior came on looking for me.  She walked up to me and told me never doubt that I made it through boot camp because of the goodness of her heart.  She said she saw in me the makings of a good Marine and wished me well.

Today I revisited that time on a more introspective level.  Earlier this year a young recruit jumped three fights in his barracks, killing himself.  The investigation which was launched because of his death shows there was hazing and abuse committed upon recruits.  My first thought was, what do they consider hazing?  Was it when my DI made me run back and forth to my bunk because I had forgotten to bring an ink stick for knowledge?  Was it having to stand on line and listen to the DI gripe about nothing of consequence, on the grand scheme, but caused her to be disappointed in us?  Was it making us hold our rifles up at arm's length because she wasn't hearing the right amount of snap and pop when we executed right shoulder arms?  Was the time we all went straight to the pit after breakfast because some of the recruits got caught having a "ladies' day convention" in the head after lights out?  I'm definitely sure it was the time, I think her name was Palmer, got dug on the quarterdeck and had to giggle the whole time.

You see the Corps is a different animal.  Even if you're an admin, your main mission is to kill. We are the tip of the spear.  The commercial doesn't lie when it says we run toward the sound of fighting.  But can this be taught without a lot of things I have heard happens in the male squad bays?  America believes we are bad ass.  There's no doubt Marines are the baddest of those bad asses.  That's not ego.  That's truth.  How do you get that kind of hardened mentality without a little roughness in training? Don't get me wrong, I believe the Corps has to adjust it's way of doing things to train today's youth.  They are a different animal than even when I went in.  But how much of that should they lose?  At what point does the military, especially the Corps, say to society "Get the fuck out of our business."  There was and is a mystery about what makes that man and woman look so good in those iconic dress blue uniforms.  Trust me, it's not just PT and diet.  It's a mentality forged on Parris Island, at San Diego, at Quantico that says we will not surrender and we'll take all of you with us.  It's learning and commemorating all that have worn that uniform before you, while training those who will come after you.  It's ego, pride and very little humility.  It's professionalism, honesty and commitment to self, Corps, God and country.  

While I believe any behavior that cause a man or woman to jump three flights is too much, I don't believe that the Corps can afford to relax it's training anymore than it has.  DIs need to be trained to spot the people who can be pushed and adapt to the in your face tactic vs the people who seem strong of mind but have no clue how to adjust for this new life.  The latter will need to be culled and sent home.  Not everyone deserves to be a Marine and not everyone can be a Marine.

The Invisible Divide

Over the last few years, there has been a claim that "someone" is dividing the country.  Pres Obama has been blamed.  Hillary Clinton has been blamed.  Trump has been blamed. I'm just gonna put it out there, and people can agree or disagree.  I don't give a fuck.

THE UNITED STATES HAS NEVER IN IT'S HISTORY BEEN A UNIFIED COUNTRY.

From the way Native Americans were treated, to the slave trade, to Jim Crow and segregation and the Japanese internment camps, this country has had fissures splitting us into groups.  The only commonality is the one group responsible is the first to deny they caused the divide.  I have no idea what fairyland they live in, but this country is built on trying to keep people in certain places.  Let's discuss some of the myths surrounding this nonexistent divide.

Everytime race comes up; the deniers do two things.  They claim minorities are stuck in the past or try to equate their life to that of the minorities.  They are wrong on both points.  I read recently where someone said we don't get to decide if we experience racism or bigotry.  It happens simply because we are and it strikes without warning.  Some people will judge me just by the melanin in my skin.  Some people will discredit my intellect and wrap me in a persona far from who I am because of the darkness of my skin tone.  I have no control over this, yet I am the blame for this.  This is the life myself, and other minorities have lived for generations.  Though life has moved on it became an undercurrent of society, and the worst of it is done behind closed doors.  It has never been eradicated.  Further, to even think anyone experiences or suffers as minorities have is preposterous.  If you think giving a company a tax break for hiring a minority is a slight against you, I have news for you.  There are not enough jobs in the world to account for the years of living in chains, the intentional blocking of education and the lives lost just for trying to live as citizens of this country.  The US can never atone for what it did to us, but the blatant attempts to minimize what was done as if it's a dirty little secret does not make it go away.  It only makes that pill impossible to swallow.

Do you want to know why there's a divide?  There's a divide because blacks are the only people in this country who had to have their freedoms legislated.  Not even the Native Americans had to have law upon law signed and executed just to live and thrive.  After the Civil War, this country left newly freed slaves at the mercy of night riders.  Thousands of blacks lynched just because they were free to live as human beings.  The North wasn't much better.  Though they didn't have lynchings, they still treated blacks as second rate citizens.  For years porters, cooks, and washerwomen were the only jobs available to blacks outside of their own communities.  As years went on and the country began to mature, blacks were still denied basic rights.  Jim Crow laws had separate schools, eateries, and doctors.  Blacks would start a train ride in one compartment and have to move to another, most often a cattle car, no matter they paid the same fair or more.  Intermingling with other ethnicities was illegal and punishable by jail time or death.  Blacks were railroaded in court cases because the lawyer was on the side of the accuser and their juries had none of their peers.  Most often those charges were false.  People wonder why we still point out when a black person is the first to achieve something?  The question shouldn't be why we do it but how is it this is just now happening. Years of indignities heaped on top of a legacy started because of greed.

The biggest part of this that no one has ever called out the government on its lack of remorse.  Our government officially apologized to Holocaust victims and every year supports vigils in remembrance.  There is even a date on the calendar for remembrance.  Those camps had nothing to do with us.  Our government made an official apology to Japanese Americans and their descendants who had been interned in camps during WWII.  President Reagan authorized reparations of $20,000 to all survivors.  In their atonement to the Native Americans, reservations have governments separate from the national government.  The lands belong to them and the US government can't or shouldn't tell them what to do with it.  Our government brings hundreds of refugees into this country and provide them with the means to start a new life free from the persecution of their homeland.

Yet, to blacks, we get pandering legislation which still leaves a lot to the discretion of people who would hold us down.  To get relief, we have to be willing to spend hours in court and have to come up with indisputable evidence we have been wronged.  My ancestors were promised 40 acres and a mule.  Never got it.  Not once has the government officially apologized or showed any remorse for the dichotomy created by slavery.  You want us to go home?  We have no home.  Your ancestors took us from our home and changed us.  Miss me with that crap about Africans selling us into slavery.  They couldn't have sold us if you weren't looking to buy.  You know how demand works right? I know the government will never apologize.  They will never stand in front of the world and say this country traded in human flesh and disenfranchised a whole race of people. To make matters worse, they eliminated the slavery enterprise and still didn't care because now, blacks were of no use to them.  They never cared if we thrived.  They mostly wish we would just go away.  But we can't, won't.

Everything I have typed here is painful.  It's as painful for me as it is for you.  I know that, but until you are willing to have this conversation without reservations or justifications, the divide will exist. I saw an argument that if Muslims are so peaceful why don't they police the ones who are giving them a bad name.  When did anyone ever police the Klan?  When has anyone ever stood up and said: "That's bigotry, and you should be ashamed."  NEVER.  That's why the division exists.  America is one huge hypocrisy.  We love to tell other countries how they should live and spread "freedom", but we refuse to sweep around our own front door.  We are the cause of the divide.

Today I spent a lot of time avoiding Facebook.  You see there's this guy Colin Kaepernick.  He's a quarterback for the San Francisco 49'ers.  He used to be decent but now, he seems to have lost it.  Well, he decided he's no longer going to stand when the national anthem plays.  The aftershock is still rolling strong.  There have been videos of fans burning his jersey.  Dakota Meyer decided to put his two cents in.  It seems as if everyone is blasting him for making a personal choice.  

I get it.  When I first saw the story, my immediate reaction was "WHOA." Then I started to read all the stories and open letters.  Well, it was enough to make me grind my teeth and want to burn some people at the stake.  

First let me point out, Michael Phelps laughed during his medal ceremony.  LAUGHED.  It trended for about two hours.  The only reaction was a question during a follow-up interview.  No outrage.  No "this guy is a POS." No "he needs to respect the flag."  Just nothing.  Crickets.  Unlike preseason football, this broadcast on national TV during prime time.  So I've asked a few times in the last few days what is the difference in the laugh and sitting.  No one answers me.  I'm not leaving it alone.  Someone will give me an answer hopefully.

The other part are the veterans who are wrapping themselves in their service and flogging the guy at every turn.  These are the same guys who joke about dodging colors.  You see every day, on every military base, colors is played for everyone to hear as the flag is raised at sun up and lowered at sun down.  If you're outside in uniform, you're supposed to snap to attention in the direction of the flag and render a salute.  You hold that position until the last note fades.  If you are not in uniform, you simply snap to facing the direction of the flag.  When the last note fades, you can go on about your business.  These same people who are slamming Colin and calling him a piece of shit are the same individuals who scatter like roaches when that warning bugle play.  They have even thought it was funny to hold the door, so their compatriot is stuck outside because he didn't get in fast enough.  How fuckin hypocritical and self-righteous.

They have tied his actions to his level of patriotism.  One has nothing to do with the other.  Most of the people slamming him weren't patriotic enough to put on a uniform every day for a minimum of two to four years and answer the call to support this country's interest without question.  I bet they all have their little excuse about why they didn't serve.  Not that service makes you more patriotic but if you love the country so damn much, why didn't you write that blank check?  Why didn't you raise your right hand and vow to support and defend??? WHY?????

A guy I consider a friend said Colin's actions are probably the American thing a person can do.  I agree wholeheartedly.  The constitution of this nation allows that a citizen may protest any grievances they feel the country has visited upon them.  His protest was quiet and nonviolent.  He did not incite anarchy or a riot.  He simply did not stand to pay homage to symbols of this country which he feels has failed us.  We have all been lamenting that failure.  We have done nothing more than bitch whine and complain on Facebook or in personal conversation.  At least Colin made an effort.

Finally, for all the veterans who say what he did is a slap in the face for your sacrifice, you're a damn liar.  You sacrificed so he could do this. Your service was to protect his right to protest.  You are the last ones who should stand in judgment of his actions.  You should puff your chest out with pride that he's not going along to get along.  You should know your service has not been in vain. To say or anything else makes you a hypocrite and shames your service.

To Colin much respect.  I might have gone about it a different way, but you do you ok?

White people, no offense, but ya'll need to sit down and shut up

For the past couple weeks I've been simmering on a low boil.  People who know me will attest I don't play the "white man is out to get me" thing.  I am a firm believer that no matter your ethnicity, you are your biggest roadblock. When faced with a situation, one should eliminate all other contributions before settling on race.  I've had just as many black people do dirty things to me as I have others.  I can also look back on my life and find many more others who have encouraged or helped me when I needed it.  I've been accused of denying or forgetting I am black.  Not sure how that happens but okay.  The last couple weeks though, or more the last year, has seen me speak more and more on black issues.  My effort is to try to help my other friends, associates and acquaintances understand why black people feel the way they do.  So let me try a different tack.  Let me lay it out from my perspective.

On the political front you have Republicans who are trying to feed the black community, from a long handle spoon, the idea that Democrats have used and abused us.  They Dems have kept us beholden to them with social programs and ideas of hope.  That's such complete and utter bullshit.  It's because of those social programs that we can try to live a semblance of a decent, dignified life.  Let's talk about the Republicans.  When asked what have they done for us, they crown in glory is Lincoln freed the slaves.  These people have never read the document.  I was inclined to read it years ago when my Economics instructor challenged me on whether or not the proclamation really freed the slaves.  I was humbled to concede it did not.  The Emancipation Proclamation is documented as Lincoln's act to end slavery.  In fact, he did not wish to end ALL slavery.  He intended to end slavery in the states which had ceded the Union.  Read the document.  It stated "states in rebellion."  At the time, there were slave states which were not in rebellion.  Communication being what it was in those days and the way of human nature, people heard the words slaves, free in the same sentence and off it went.  Now after the information is passed far and wide, there is no way Lincoln can contradict this right? So yeah he freed the slaves, by accident.

Then they hang their hats on the 15th amendment.  Well again, that was just window dressing.  Let me set the stage.  Since 1863, black people were considered free but the government did nothing to make them whole.  They were left to the machinations of things like the night riders aka KKK, Jim Crow laws, segregation and any other local law people saw fit to enact.  Imagine even in northern states there were separate bathrooms and eating areas.  So we come to 1870 and the government puts another band aid on the issue by ratifying an amendment to allow black people to vote. Except they specifically noted race, color or previous servitude.  This meant states, especially southern states had to get crafty.  They did and blacks were still largely prevented from voting.  It would be a hundred years after being given their freedom before blacks would see some type of equality with he Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965.  Both of these measures passed with a majority of Democratic votes.  Suck on that Republicans.

So with the orange dude talking about blacks in impoverished neighborhoods and broken homes has been grating on my nerves.  A man who is a serial philanderer, has been married three times, has a total of five kids from these marriages wants to talk about broken homes?  The cajones it takes to do that and act like you're a savior is mind boggling.  Further, it's an inaccurate picture of the black community.  His data is way off and there is just as many troubled children in two parent homes as in one parent.  I guess his stepford family is supposed to be a model. My biggest issue is he and his cronies saying Democrats want to keep black people impoverished.  Democrats are the only ones who have tried to help us but neither party has our best interest at heart.  They are the ones using us as a tool to get votes.

Let's level set.  Black people are not clueless to the failings of the Democratic party or their candidate.  Black people just aren't interested in hearing promises from a guy who has spent his whole life plotting against us.  You cannot wipe away the investigations which found he would not rent to minorities simply because they weren't white.  You cannot hide the full page ad he put on the central park five.  We know about the firing of black dealers in his casinos.  Most importantly, we know his degrees were bought and paid for by his daddy.  The man has the intellect of a stoner.  I take that back. a crackhead is smarter than this guy.  Black women are the fastest growing group with secondary and post graduate degrees.  Contrary to what you might believe, there are more black men sitting in college than standing on a corner.  GOP stop pandering to the lowest common denominator. It won't work.

To all the black people who are getting on his bandwagon, remember, you are still just a black person.  Ride his train all you want.  In the end, you will get squashed with the rest of us if the evil he has stirred up continues to rise.

I've been filling up facebook with my rambling and tirades.  They revolve around the absolute idiotic tendency of people to pass information that is half or totally not true.  I tell myself let it go but then I see all these other people in the amen corner and, well next thing you know my finger is swiping on the keyboard.  

When I see things that call to my emotions, I research it.  Mostly I do.  Sometimes I share simply because I don't really care.  Sometimes I share just to see what sort of rise I can get out of the people in my friends' list.  I don't share news stories unless they come from an established news outlet like the national media or well known newspapers.  I'm even skeptical of Politico, Breibart and Huffington Post.  These other fly by night internet rags are out there just because some dude majored in journalism (a dying field) and sits in his mom's basement inciting a riot over bs.  Ok maybe that's harsh but really. Anybody can clip and cut video with software found on the internet.  They are good for taking a printed story and using parts of it out of context.  People eat it up.  It's amazing to me how many people believe things simply because it's on some official looking news site but claim others are blind and naive.  Hilarious.

My rule of thumb is, if a hundred percent of the story is my exact opinion or feeds more into something I detest, then it's probably not worth believing.  I will go look for other stories to corroborate or disprove what I read.  It's not that hard.  Thirty seconds of typing to get a hundred links.  

But people are happy in their ignorance and they can't or refuse to see the other side.

i guess it's fitting...maybe not

Today is Thanksgiving.  I had wanted to be in Pensacola today but because the brat works on Saturday, I changed my plans.  I'll still be with family as I am driving down to Columbus (actually Fort Mitchell, AL) to share the day with my neice and her family.  I'm going to enjoy myself considering I didn't have to cook.  I wonder if her husband knows any single army guys he can invite .....lol

Today is even more momentus for my youngest.  Her donater's family lives in the area so I will be dropping her off to spend some time with them.  They have no seen her since she was a little over a year old.  I take my share of the blame.  Back then I was a bitter bi...err woman because not one but two me had left me high and dry to rear to children alone.  At the time, his family claimed to not know where he was or how to contact him.  I believed this to be a total lie as I could not grasp that to be possible.  I mean I may have wanted away from my family but I kept in touch and they always knew where I was and how to find me.  The ties broke when m ex's grandmother wanted to come get the girls for a weekend.  I will give them their due as they spent as much time with the oldest even though she's not their biological family.  That being said, not only was I bitter but I was hugely paranoid.  I said no and never heard from them again.  I was remiss in maintaining contact with them and the did the same.  Eighteen years later, her uncle finds her on facebook and they have been having a long distance relationship.

Yeah well later I'm dropping her off to spend the day or at least some time with them.  Not sure how I feel about that.  The mother in me does not want to leave her with them.  I don't want to hang out with them but I don't exactly want to be around them for more time than I have to.  Could this have to do with some lingering resentment over my ex having told me they disliked me on the spot?  Oh hell yeah it does.  I've worked through a lot of my issues but that's more because I had the chance to confront the catalyst.  I should let it go but I've never been able to accept someone condeming me when they don't know me.  Especially when there a bond such as I have in this situation.

So what am I going to do?  I'm going to go buy a cake to take to my neice's.  She told me not to bring anything but Theresa would thrash in her grave if I did that.  Then I will drive the 2 hours it takes to get to Columbus and drop the brat off.  Then my very active imagination will kick in and I'll worry over what's happen and how she's doing.  I hope my neice has some alcohol.

dead beats, liars and ne'erdowells

Today is Father's Day.  More so than ever, I miss my daddy and regret he missed so much of my life.  My girls know him only in the memories shared by family.  Today also breaks my heart that my girls didn't get that chance with their donaters.  I say donaters because neither of the waste of ...okay I'm calm now.  Whew!

You see the men who donated to cause didn't help.  Neither of them were instrumental in making my girls the young women they are today.  As much as I want to strangle them, I admire and boast of them being two the smartest people I know. 

So for the one who's trying to play robin to my batman, it's too late.  She's grown, has a mind of her own and I taught her how to take care of herself.  Believe me when I say, she knows I have a standing commitment to castrate anyone who uses and/or abuses her.

To the other one with blasian twins, everything you have or have not done to me will return to you tenfold.  The state of Georgia might help you dick me around but God will have his say.  Just remember the lies you've told and the misdeeds when you are called before Him and he points you to a fiery pit in hell